May 13, 2009

My Last Day

Today is my last day in my 20's. Tomorrow I will be (gasp) 3 decades old. I used to think that 30 was "damn old". I always assumed when I reached the mature age of 30 I would know where my life was going, what path I was taking.

So, if I am assuming this, I guess tomorrow is the day I grow up, right? Because right now I am "winging it" every single day. I am playing at the role of adult, and I cannot believe no one has called me out so far. When I am sick, I still keep thinking that my Mom will come over and take care of me. Yet I keep taking care of the kids, and in the back of my mind, I tell myself, this is only temporary, she'll be here soon and she will make french toast. I pay my bills each time, thinking that I can't believe I am allowed to touch this money, even though I (and Mr. Bee) made this money. I made a decision about getting my son circumcised for gods sakes. WHO put me in charge of that? I shouldn't be in charge of anything serious. I can't even believe that I am paid a salary over $5,000. ($5,000 was my big "you have all the money in the world amount when I was 8 years old.)

I always wonder when I will feel mature, when it will sink in that I am not playing adult and I AM an adult. I think I will always expect to have more knowledge and be more mature all of my life, and that is a good thing. It will challenge me to try harder. The only thing I can do is keep learning, keep working (a popular phrase for this is "fake it till you make it"- well I will always be "faking it") and every once in a while sit back and enjoy the journey. And try not to think of 30 as "damn old".

In addition, I hope to never be too old mature to enjoy stupid comedies, outdoor concerts, roller coasters, and beer.

** As I wrote this, I realized that Tooj wrote a similar piece about Motherhood. I wanted to highlight it because it is similar and kind of my answer to that.

12 comments:

  1. Happy early Birthday and welcome to 30..it's nice, I like it here, I've been doing it now for 6 months..lol.. Actually I kind of really do like being 30, something about that number wakes you up. Learning will always be a process in life, it's the only way to grow, which you already know that :). And the "fake it til you make it" phrase is one of my favorites :)

    Hugs and kisses

    Mesa

    **so my word verification was colen..ummm...yea...lol....**

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  2. ugh if you are thinking 30 is old...Im in trouble considering Im 40!!!!!!!!! Happy early Birthday enjoy your last day of your 20's!!!!

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  3. I'm sure I won't be the first to say this, but if you are 30- you are still a youngin'! Ahhh...to be 30 again!!!

    Hate to break it to ya, but those of us over *gasp* 40 are still wingin' it and don't necessarily feel any more mature :D

    Enjoy your special day!

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  4. I am also in my late twenties and know exactly what you mean about not feeling like an adult yet. Doesn't matter that I've been married for six years. Doesn't matter that I earn my own paycheck, and may soon be a mother myself. I still don't feel "grown up." It seems some of us never do. Maybe that's not such a bad thing? :-D

    Happy Birthday, Janna! I hope it's fabulous.

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  5. You turn 30 almost exactly a month before my sister! I had the same feelings of panic when I hit the big 3-0, and I was feeling a mixture of excitement and depression. I didn't like my 30s at first, but I'm really enjoying them now! I wish I could tell you why...but that's for a blog post, not a comment. :)

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  6. Happy Early Birthday. I just turned 30 back in January and I was so excited I couldn't see straight! I thought to myself, 'wow, I'll be all grown up. I won't be no young 20 something anymore.' Yeah, well now I'm just a 30 something kid at heart that still wrestles with her husband and laughs when one of the kids poot! :)
    I'll grow up when I feel like it.

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  7. Wishing you a very Happy Early Birthday! I LOVED my thirties! LOVED them! I am LOVING my forties even more! It just gets better, sister!

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  8. Have a Happy Birthday!!!
    You will always be young at heart, I can tell by the way you write:)

    AND 30, well, you know to an over 40 year old, 30 is nice and young. ENJOY!!!!

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  9. Happy Birthday!!! Listen, age is just a number, if you were calculating your age with the chinese calendar you would probably be like 350 yrs old :)

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  10. Happy Birthday Janna!! I hope you're having a wonderful day!

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  11. And to think I wrote my thoughts on "faking it" when I was 31! Not to discourage you or anything....LOL I have heard that our 30s are actually supposed to be better...fingers crossed, lady.

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  12. Well Happy Late Birthday!! The 30s are great .. you can let go of all the agita of "will I be able to survive on my own" 20s stuff. And I'm 41 and I still feel like I'm faking it as an adult ... I realize now that my parents probably were too -- they just seemed like they had it together! This is probably one of the things no one tells you about until you realize it yourself.

    And I love the new blog look!!! Cute!

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